Second Thought
Second Thought
What make her infuriated is because Yuan Shao denied her invitation multiple times and he didn't allow her to visit his residence for various reasons, overall she not allowed to come again no matter what happened. Sanguan Lu ye didn't understand she thought she had closed the gap between them but somehow the gap is getting wider than ever was, she didn't know what she has done wrong.
The truth is Sanguan Li ye is overconfident at that time she used her father name Sanguan Jin Sheng as a reason to met Yuan Shao, she told Yuan Shao her father send a thankful gift as appreciation for his help last time. Yuan Shao cannot deny her coming since it was too rude and he can't reject other people's kind intentions, it's not wise to deliberately provoke the Sanguan family right now although he knows Sanguan Li Ye might have an ulterior motive.
While entertained Sanguan Li Ye at his place, Yuan Shao had kept his distance all the time, his subordinated and maids were also present so everything is utterly formal then suddenly before she left she ask permission to check the garden of his residence. Yuan Shao is rent a small but luxurious villa that belonged to a famous painter, the villa indeed unique and beautiful In fact he rent this place because he thought Ming Yue Yin would like this place and perhaps she would visit him more often.
When Sanguan Li Ye asked to look around the Villa Yuan Shao didn't think too much.. he leads her to see the scenery during their walk Sanguan Li Ye try to close their distance but Yuan Shao smoothly avoid her and make sure they are three paces apart, Sanguan Li Ye refuses to give in, she pretends to trip and fall towards Yuan Shao chest, out of reflex he holds her shoulder to stop her from falling who knew later on her strain of hair stuck on his collar button.
Yuan Shao tries to untie her hair fro his button, unfortunately, Ming Yue Yin caught him in an ambiguous situation, from her point of view the two of them is standing so close and quite intimate, in a world where men and women always keep their distance, of course, their behavior would raise anyone suspicion.
When Yuan Shao realizes someone saw them he only saw Ming Yue Yin back, he realizes Ming Yue Yin is misunderstood but he can't just pull innocent women's hair crudely, he can be cold and indifferent to a woman but he is not as cruel as Zhao Li Xin that could treat other women other than Lory like a disgusting insect and disregard common sense, however soon he would realize how grave his mistake is.
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It's already three days since Ming Yue Yin avoids Yuan Shao visit, the man came every day and every time Ming Yue Yin reject his visit he would waiting almost the whole days and only left when he faces urgent matters, lory feel bad for Yuan Shao and convince that this is all just stupid misunderstanding but her stubborn brat remain unmoved.
Yang Xi Ying is left somewhere with Li Mo Zhen, Zhao Li Xin was still at the sanguan family manor so Lory was left alone without anything better to do she visit Ming Yue Yin courtyard, she was sitting behind the desk examined report with the Su sister cater her.
Lory leans at the door frame she staring at Ming Yue Yin make a serious and solemn expression when she checks the report from her kingdom, she read carefully all the paper scroll then frown slightly when she found something wrong.
When Lory saw her like that, she will never think that this Ming Yue Yin is the same spoiled brat that annoyed her every day and teased Yang Xi Ying all the time, the change in Mng Yue Yin behavior during her work and relaxed time is like day and night, Lory smile with melancholy, Ming Yue Yin remained her a little with Lucas.
"Busy��?"
Ming Yue Yin lifts her glance then she returns her gaze to the paper on his hand "No more than usual" she perfunctorily said. She can be thousands of miles away from her kingdom but she can't run from his duty.
Lory walk-in then pulls a chair in front of her desk "Can we talk?"
Ming Yue yin hand froze for a second then she takes a deep breath and waves her hands to sign the Su sister to leave them, when they leave the room Ming Yue Yin put down the paper on the table "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"
Lory props her chin with both her hands on the table, she gazes into Ming Yue Yin eyes "Why are you avoiding him?"
Ming Yue Yin's mouth opens slightly as she tries to find an excuse "That because….."
"No this is not because of Sanguan family daughter, well, maybe at first….but not anymore, something bothering you…." Lory twirls her index finger while pointing at Ming Yue Yin's face.
Ming Yue Yin leans her back on the chair, she bite her lower lips she feel happy but annoys at the same time, how could Lory saw through her like glass.
Lory smiles at Ming Yue Yin profoundly, because of the world's time distortion her body returns to her teenage years again 'thankfully' but inside she is a mature woman who has thirty years of experience so how could she not understand what Ming Yue Yin thinking, after all, they are both women.
Lory tilted her head as she waiting patiently for Ming Yue Yin to speak. After a few minutes, having a staring contest Ming Yue Yin finally gives in "Well….." she tugs her hair behind her ear feeling conflicted.
"When I saw that stupid general with other women it struck me that when we got married – if we got married, the stupid general would become stupid emperor….and as an emperor, there would be a harem" Ming Yue Yin wryly smile.
"You can't trust Yuan Shao?" Lory raised her eyebrow.
"People change" Ming Yue Yin said.
"But not all of them" Lory refuted.
"Yeah, but most of them are" Ming Yue Yin know Lory try to comfort her, Ming Yue Yin folded her hand on the table and say: "Especially when wealth and power got involved, when he becomes emperor my position will be redundant, he might stay true for a year or two but then the officials would force him to take more wife for whatever reason and I don't know when would he give in….eventually"
Ming Yue Yin let out a long sigh and massage her nape as she make a mirthless smile "Soon I will become just another woman in the harem, I don't want to praise some concubine after they served my husband, I don't want to select which woman should sleep with my husband and I don't want to be a lonely woman who waiting for her man to visit him every night then broke my heart knowingly he would stay in another woman bed-chamber, I don't want to be that pathetic woman...I just can't"
Lory blames the polygamy society that puts women's position as the second class no matter how good they are. She can't blame Ming Yue Yin worried because she would feel the same if she was an empress who lives in a polygamous society, Lory then asked her again "Do you think he would become like that kinda man?"
Ming Yue Yin shrugs "If he can't even handle a little women's persuasion how could he handle the official's persuasion…."
"So, what would you do. Will you let him go, would you regret it?"
"I don't know?" Ming Yue Yin is not sure, she looks lost obviously reluctant, but she realizes that the relationship for her is not simple and when something bad happened it would not just implicate her but also the whole kingdom.
Unlike any other woman she cannot act like a fool in love, she has an obligation, duty, and heritage to preserve. She cannot make the wrong decision.
"Do you have cold feet?" Lory suddenly asked.
Her abrupt question make Ming Yue Yin frowned "What do you mean?"
"I don't know…" Lory give half-shrug then cross her arms on her chest "Both of you didn't interact in person, if I remember Yuan Shao left after he confesses his feeling and both of you only exchanged news through the mail, just like 'pen pal' isn't it?"
"I don't know what pen pal is?" Ming Yue Yin stares at Lory with confuse look.
Lory ignores Ming Yue Yin's question as she blabbering her thought "Then you meet again and everything becomes real – too real, and that's why you become cold feet" Lory clapped her hand excitedly "Am I wrong?"
Ming Yue Yin didn't answer. She was not sure how she feel right now. Yuan Shao was promised her two years for her to wait he returned and make her his wife At first it's only a simple confession and she didn't think too much of it, two years is not a short time nonetheless she feel touch by his sincerity so she decide to give him a chance, she also still young and have time to wait but then Sanguan Li Ye come and it feel like she was poured with a bucket of cold water.
She starts to question her future with Yuan Shao. The more she thought about the possibility that happened between them the more she gets worried.
"Do you think I have a change of heart?" Ming Yue Yin didn't want to be a fickle woman so she begins to question her own feeling.
Lory smiles she leans her chest on the table and rest her chin on her palm "No, it's normal to have second thought after all you have a big responsibility, that doesn't mean you don't love him on contrary I think you are being serious with him that's why you thought this through"
Ming Yue Yin feel slightly better after she heard Lory's comment, then she glance at Lory curiously "Do you ever have a second thought about uncle?"
"Of course…." Lory bluntly said.
Ming Yue Yin flabbergasted, she did not expect Lory would answer readily "Really?! about what? Don't tell me you are questioning his loyalty or feeling to you, sorry but that's like you questioning if the sun would rise tomorrow or not?"
"Not like that…." Lory stifles then lower her head as she pondering then say in a quiet tone "I wonder if get him to involve with me would harm him, I'm scared I'll be the cause of his ruined, I love him very much but that doesn't mean he has to give his life for me, I'm worried I'll be left alone…again, so yeah, I have a second thought about this relationship - I think I have second thought all the time" Lory calmly said.
Lory is not always as confident and calmed as she shows to other people, the truth is she always feel like walking on a tightrope she never knows when she would slip and fall, then everything got even more nerve-racking when she forced to bring Zhao Li Xin to walk the same tight rope as her how could she not scared, however, she knows is too late to back down because Zhao Li Xin would never let her go no matter how hard she pushed him away.
Ming Yue Yin startled she can't believe Lory hides so much worry in her heart, but that just how Lory is. She always acts nonchalant and pretends to be happy go lucky girl but deep inside she hides so many hurdles, questions, and fear in her heart. Maybe is her habit but Lory rarely shares her burden with other people.
"What should I do then?" Ming Yue Yin whines tiredly as she rests her head on the table.
Lory patted her head and chuckles softly "Just do what your heart feels right…that's all we could do"
"What if I'm wrong?"
Lory take a long deep breath, she glances outside the window then smile "Then we pay for our mistake"